A Funeral Professional's Perspective
A funeral service guest recently asked me if I actually enjoy my role as much as I seem to. I would imagine that this is a fairly common question: why do funeral professionals choose this profession? For me… it is the humble grace of being able to make someone’s hardest of days just a little lighter, while helping them honour the life and legacy of their loved one. My role finds me often behind the camera for families who have chosen to livestream their loved one’s funeral service. It is a role that I take seriously and treat with some reverence, as I only get one chance to properly capture the stories, messages, songs, poems, and sentiments shared.
On the day that I was asked this question, I was behind the camera for the funeral service of a farmer who had greatly and meaningfully lived all of his 95 years. His children worked with our Park Memorial team to create an incredibly personalized service to honour his life, and my heart was blessed in being a part of it. I asked permission to share what my heart took in that day, and was given the family’s blessing.
My morning began with following the funeral processional for about 3 km down gravel roads to a little country church that had served George’s family for several generations. As you may know, the processional is usually led by our green coach (hearse), carrying the decedent in their casket for their final ride to rest. This particular processional was highly unique: George’s beloved team of horses were leading, pulling the farmer’s wagon on which was lovingly loaded George’s casket, surrounded by his children and their spouses, who took turns at the reigns. His wife of 70 years followed closely in a family car, and the wagon was flanked by a few of his grandchildren on horseback. I dare say that despite the gravel dust and the heat of the day, George’s arrival at his ceremony was likely exactly what he would have chosen.
Once at church, a traditional Ukrainian Orthodox service was performed by the priest and cantor, including the bittersweet sound of church bells ringing out as he was carried in. These services are largely sang – or canted – and the voice of the cantor was beautiful in its harmony. The casket remains open for the duration of these services so that the family can gaze upon their loved one for the last time. My favourite part of these services is the closing song, Vichnya Pamyat, which means ‘Memory Eternal’. Its melody is beautiful, as the voices of the funeral guests join with the cantor in acapella song. I generally have to work a little harder to hold back my tears at this point in the service because it is so poignant.
Following this beautiful song, all of the funeral guests filed by to pay their final respects to George, in a tradition called ‘the last kiss’. The family always files by last, as these are their last and final moments with their loved one. After all of the family, and George’s wife Elizabeth, had paid their tear-filled respects, I watched as George’s children all gathered around his body, and lovingly tucked his favourite black and red blanket around him. His feet, legs, arms, and chest were tucked into the cuddle of his familiar blanket… and I felt incredibly privileged to have witnessed this final act of love, as tears escaped my eyes.
Later after George had been laid to rest in the church cemetery, family and friends gathered in the nearby hall to share a time of refreshment together. While guests enjoyed a traditional Ukrainian meal, they heard stories of George’s life as the eulogy and tributes were spoken. There were moments of laughter and sadness together, and the beginnings of healing.
A video tribute of George’s life allowed us to see both he and his sweet Elizabeth leading the same team of horses that had carried him for his final ride – their faces beaming at each other as the horses carried them both in the wagon.
I am a stranger to this family. I had never met their beloved George, yet I gloried in the small glimpses that I was allowed of his great life.
Being part of these beautiful ceremonies is definitely part of my ‘why’… not only for what I give, but also for what I receive. I am not only present to do my job, I am wholly present to hear the stories that you share… to glory in your love and remembrance… and yes, sometimes I am wiping my own tear away as I listen.
Personalization matters, even to a stranger. Service after funeral service, I am blown away by how our Park Memorial team listens as families share memories and stories, and then help to create the perfect remembrance and tribute.
