Coping With the Death of a Parent
Though we develop awareness in our adult lives that our parents will likely predecease us, the death of our parent(s) is something that we can never prepare for.
“Going through a dead parent's memorabilia is a hazardous undertaking; there is a fine line between pleasure and pain.”
― Anne Fadiman, The Wine Lover's Daughter: A Memoir
No matter their age, their health, nor their lifestyle that may affect their life span, the loss of a parent forces us to grieve the loss of a relationship that was the first we knew. For some, it is the loss of hugs, their wisdom, and their unconditional love. For others, it’s a loss of time to try to heal a fractured or estranged relationship. When our relationship with that parent – or our siblings - has been complicated or estranged, that also brings a more layered complexity to that grief. Here are some suggestions to help you on your grief journey:
- If you have siblings, this is the time to keep communication flowing. They are likely the people best able to understand your loss and your grief. You will find comfort in mourning together, and sharing the stories and memories that your parents brought to your family life. Should there be sibling dynamics that do not favour healthy communication, meeting with a counselling or psychological professional who can help bridge that communication gap can be a valuable option.
- If you have a friend who has walked through the loss of a parent, reach out to them to ask for support. Their experience will enable them to truly empathize with yours.
- Recognize the special days in whatever way feels comfortable: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and occasions. It might be as simple as setting an extra place at the table, lighting a candle, or releasing a balloon.
- Find your ‘thing’, that special way of honouring your parent in a way that is meaningful to you both.
- Talk to your parent; death doesn’t end a relationship. Spending time in nature is a great time to do this.
- Recognize that grief doesn’t end. There is no finish line where one can say, “I’m done grieving now.”
- Consider attending a grief support event. In non-pandemic times, Park Memorial offers a variety of events designed to support the grief journey. These are available to the community at large, not just families we’ve served.
Whether you shared a close relationship with your parent, or your relationship was more complicated, their loss causes everything to shift and change. Be gentle with yourself as you grieve their death and show your aching heart some grace.
