Obituary: The Story of a Lifetime.
How do you tell the story of a life in a few short lines? Whether the story is about a life lived only in utero, or an earthly life lived for 89 years, how do you honour that life in an obituary? Much more than just an announcement of death and a place to share the date, time, and location of the funeral service, if there is one being held, an obituary pays tribute to the life of the person who has died.
Our team of funeral directors are here to help with the writing of the obituary for your loved one, although you may choose to completely write it on your own. With this in mind, here are a few things to consider:
1 - Length of obituary
Most newspapers charge by the line for an obituary, which can get expensive if a longer story is desired. As a result, cost has traditionally dictated the length of the obituary. To offer families a choice to write a longer obituary, a family might consider placing an obituary that fits their budget in the newspaper and then building further within our online memorial space. Park Memorial is proud to offer every family a digital memorial area for their loved one, called a Book of Memories. This Book of Memories allows your family and friends to upload photos of your loved one, leave memorial tributes, share memories and stories, and to have a place to go to see photos and read messages of love when they are missing your loved one.
2 - Style of obituary
There is no right or wrong when writing an obituary. Traditionally the flow begins with a death announcement, and a line or two about why your loved one will be missed. Then the relatives that are left to mourn your loved one are named, followed by those who predeceased them. Then a few lines of chronological life history, ending with the dates and details of the funeral service, if one is being held, or if the service is private, as well as a call to action for floral arrangements and /or memorial donations.
This being said, the obituary can be anything you would like it to be. It can include poetry, meaningful quotes, song lyrics, and more. You can detail why your family has chosen a certain charitable organization for memorial donations, or ask the guests who will attend the funeral service to wear your loved one’s favourite colour, or to bring a book in for a book exchange, because your loved one loved to read. With the ability to share any length of obituary in the Park Memorial Book of Memories, there really is no limit to the creativity that you can exercise in writing it.
3 - Photo or no photo
This is an area where your creativity can shine. Some families choose to put a baby photo next to an adult photo of their loved one. Other families choose a photo of their loved one taking part in their favourite activity or pastime. If you do choose to submit a photo to appear in the newspaper, please note that Facebook / social media photos will not have high enough resolution nor size to be seen clearly.
As well, you are able to submit a variety of photos of your loved one to be part of their Book of Memories – and you can invite friends and family to upload their favourite photos, as well.
4 - Service Details
If you are holding a service to commemorate the life of your loved one, you will want to include the service details (date, time, place) in the obituary, so that people have an opportunity to attend and show their love and support for your family.
5 - Flowers? Donations? Or both?
Again, there is no right or wrong answer here. Some families opt to give floral delivery options for the funeral service, and others prefer that memorial donations be made in memory of their loved one. This is entirely at the discretion of either your loved one, if they had preplanned their funeral, or the executor and/or persons making decisions. If your loved one was not attached to a particular charity, visit our LINK HERE list of local charities that are doing great work in our community for some inspiration.
6 - What if my loved one died a traumatic death?
When a person dies due to tragic or stigmatized circumstances, we grapple with what to share and how to share it. Again, there is no right or wrong here; these factor most on the values and choices of your family and what your loved one would have wanted. In the past, societal norms dictated that should the death have been death by suicide, by overdose, by murder, etc., no mention was to be made of this in the obituary. If a family chose to, they could ‘hint’ at the cause of death by the type of charity chosen for memorial donations.
In today’s culture of heightened awareness, and in some families’ desire to place meaning on the life and the loss of their loved one, more families are choosing to disclose the circumstances of their loss. They do so out of love and respect for their loved one’s truth, and to bravely be a light for other families and individuals who are at risk of the same type of loss.
How to write the hardest possible phrases and sentences you will ever have to write? Your funeral director is here to help. They can suggest phrases and word selections that are in keeping with your family’s wishes, and they can also assist with all aspects of the creation of your loved one’s obituary.
The Canadian Mental Health Association has developed a guideline for writing an obituary that is specific to death by suicide that you might find helpful. You can access this information
here.
7 - How Do We Write an Obituary for Our Child?
An obituary is intended to share the story of a life fully lived, but writing an obituary for a child, depending on their age, doesn’t always fit within that intention. At a time of such heartbreak and sorrow, some families find comfort in sharing funny stories of their child and their hobbies and interests. Some find it helpful to write how their child impacted them or made them feel, or what their hopes and dreams were for their child. If their child died following a medical journey, some families give thanks to the medical teams that cared for them during that time. There are no rules, no ‘must-haves’ while writing a child’s obituary. Instead, each family decides the tone and emotion that their child’s obituary will take on. Your funeral director will be able to assist you with this.
As an example,
click here to access an obituary that was written in honest and humorous tribute to a little boy named Garrett.
The choice to write or not write an obituary is completely yours, as is the choice to place the obituary in the newspaper or not. An obituary is not required by law. That said, an obituary is a lovely way to pay tribute to your loved one, and to let those who had connections with them know of their passing. It is also a reliable way to communicate service details (if any), and to invite their support when it is needed most.
If you would like to learn more about how to write an obituary,
please click the button below and download our guide.
