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EULOGY
Writing and
delivering a eulogy is a noble gesture that is worthy of thought and
effort. It is an opportunity to make a contribution to a memorial
service a contribution that your friends and family will remember for a
long time.
Writing
in general a eulogy, a tribute, a letter, or keeping a journal presents
another equally valuable opportunity for you. The ability to use the
writing process as a therapeutic tool to help you deal with your grief.
The power of writing is undeniable and there is no better time than now
for you to discover and take advantage of this.
What A Eulogy Should Accomplish
There
are two common misconceptions about the purposes of a eulogy. Some
people think: 1) it should be an objective summation of the deceased's
life; or 2) it should speak for everyone who is present at the memorial
service. Both of these assumptions are unrealistic.
A
eulogy is much more simple. It should convey the feelings and
experiences of the person giving the eulogy. The most touching and
meaningful eulogies are written from a subjective point of view and
from the heart. So don't feel compelled to write your loved one's life
story. Instead, tell your story.
Clearly, the burden of
the eulogy does not have to be yours completely. If you have the time,
ask friends or relatives for their recollections and stories. In a
eulogy, it is perfectly acceptable to say, for example, "I was talking
to Uncle Lenny about Ron; he reminded me of the time Ron came to our
Thanksgiving dinner with half of his face clean-shaven and the other
half bearded. It was Ron's funny way of showing that he had mixed
feelings about shaving off his beard."
Honesty is very
important. In most cases, there will be a lot of positive qualities to
talk about. Once in a while, however, there is someone with more
negative traits than positive qualities. If that is the case, remember,
you don't have to say everything. Just be honest about the positive
qualities and everyone will appreciate the eulogy.
Remember,
you do not have to write a perfect eulogy. Whatever you write and
deliver will be appreciated by the people at the funeral. If you are
inclined to be a perfectionist, lower your expectations and just do
what you can, given the short time frame for preparation and your
emotional state.
Tips For Delivering A Eulogy
If
you decide to write a eulogy and deliver it, realize that it may be the
most difficult speech you will ever make; and it may be the most
rewarding. It is important to realize that people are not going to
judge you. They will be very supportive. No matter what happens, it
will be okay. If you break down in the middle of your speech, everyone
will understand. Take a moment to compose your self, and then continue.
There is no reason to be embarrassed. Remember, giving a eulogy is a
noble gesture that people will appreciate and admire.
If
you can, make the eulogy easy to read. On a computer, print out the
eulogy in a large type size. If you are using a typewriter, put extra
carriage returns between the lines. If you are writing it by hand,
print the final version in large letters and give the words room to
breath by writing on every second or third line.
Before
the service, consider getting a small cup of water. Keep it with you
during the service. When you go to the podium to deliver the eulogy,
take the water with you in case you need it. Sipping water before you
start and during the speech, if needed-will help relax you. If you are
nervous before delivering the eulogy, breath deeply and tell yourself
that everything will be fine. It will be. Look around at your relatives
and friends and realize that they are with you 100 percent. Realize
that it is acceptable to read the eulogy without making eye contact
with the audience, if that would be easier for you. Take your time. Do
the best you can. No one expects you to have the delivery of a great
orator or the stage presence of an actor. Just be you.
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